Thursday, 31 December 2015

I got Elizabeth Bennett on the Buzzfeed what literary heroine are you aka 2015 - the year that I didn't bow to societal pressure a lot and when I sewed a little.

Hello dearhearts,

 Little ol' me shouting out from the web wilderness on the last day of the year in my little corner of the world.  I've been away so long but you've been in my heart the whole time.    I think we can all be in agreement that my New Year's Objective to blog more often hasn't occurred but hey it won't stop me trying.  I can't believe it's been 6 months since I last wrote and man oh man so much has happened as it always does.  I thought I'd get a few words down before I get the punch going and any hope of sense exits the building.

I took my niece and nephew to see the new Snoopy film on Boxing Day. I forgot how wise Charlie Brown is.

I am going to post more this year and rightly so because 2016 will see me taking off into the wide blue yonder as I journey to Central and South America for 6 months.  I've been thinking about this trip for as long as I can remember.  I'd always plan to go travelling again at some point but after my breakdown 5 years ago I decided I didn't want to run off but instead walk away leaving the door gently ajar.  The last 5 years following my breakdown and my breakup have been so exciting and so unexpected. They've been tough too but that's right because as much as anyone I know the darkness is as important as the light. You can't have one without the other.  Though as I've talked about before I can say I'm honestly happy more than I'm not and I think that's no small achievement.  

Now I'm at the place where I can leave the door gently ajar.  I am as I said more often than not very happy in my life and I have no desire to running screaming from it and in fact quite the opposite but I know that I have wanderlust and every year that goes by that I put the trip off because of this, that and the other means I put other stuff off.  So that's one my New Year's Objectives to be really brave and do the things that I want not what I should be doing.  I ended up seeing a life coach this year, a wonderful person she was too, Liz Goodchild.  I can't recommend her enough. She kicked my ass well and truly and relit my pilot light.  She made me realise so often we can be coasting and don't get me wrong that's great and we all need a bit of neutral now and again but when we get the opportunity to do the things that challenge us that is when we have the chance of being truly happy.  So that's what I'll be doing in late spring when I leave my life here and head first to Cuba.

As ever good old Eleanor gets it.

I'm only human though and as such I'm already thinking about what I'll do when I come back and of course I worry but I know this trip will rejuvenate and refresh me and I hope will give me the gumption to go chase my dreams. I really want to work in radio again and if I'm really brave give comedy a shot but for now it's enough to know that I haven't done what I should (or specifically what society says) do like maybe take another PR contract in London, paint the walls a colour that makes the flat easily lettable, stop making gold clothing or meet a partner because I'm not getting younger hahahaha!  Don't get me wrong I have no problem with people choosing to do this I'm not the authority on anything apart from maybe leopard print, but they're just not the right for me.   This year has been both amazing and ass in varying degrees but one of the things I'm most proud of is my continuing decision to not be told what is good for me.  I know what is bloody for me and also what's bad and yes I do eat too much cheese but we can't be perfect all the time ;)  

Another wise old owl.

When I answered the Buzzfeed quiz and got Elizabeth Bennett I was very happy.  She's always been one of my favourite heroines - full of heart and wit but at the same time with the realisation that she has a lot to learn.  As  a woman myself I think we've come so far in so many ways. I mean even a few decades ago a woman on her own wouldn't be able to take the trip I'm taking.  It would have been considered sheer madness but at halfway to 70 I find society still has a long way to go.  I've found myself at a lot of weddings this year all of, which were lovely.  I adore a good shindig and especially one where two people I love have decided they would like to tell the world how much :) Ooh and don't get me wrong I totally want to fall in love again, I'm good at it but I'll do it in my own sweet time.  But what I don't enjoy and find practically pre-historic are the number of people who feel the need to ask me where my Prince Charming is or advise me to hurry up because they don't want me to go to waste.  Well firstly I leave shoes behind just because that's what happens to me (sometimes drink is involved) and not to find a husband, secondly I think people don't come with a sell by date and thirdly I'm too busy having casual sex. I used that response at my brother's wedding and unsurprisingly it brought an end to the topic and nearly my Mother too come to think of it.  So I guess that's what I'm proudest of this year the unwavering effort o be me even though I know it isn't easy. Oh and my ability to do cat's eye eyeliner on a moving train.

My year in pictures.

Aside from self-discovery this year has been a mixture of the new - first triathlon, first time I road from London to Brighton, being name a happiness ambassador.  The old - 100 years of the WI and chance to celebrate how awesome they are.  The blue  - the tories getting back into power boo!  We're not taking it lying down though and I look forward to being even more vocal in the coming year.  Pig face your days are numbered!  Sewing wise it's not been a mega productive one but I did make a dear friend a silk wedding dress so I feel that covers a few basis.  Although I've not been blogging or able to get to as many meetups as I would have liked this year the sewing community has ever been a constant source of joy and happiness for me and I feel as honoured as ever to be a part of it.  Of course all my triumphs and even for that matter my tragedies of my life wouldn't be what they are without the supporting cast of my family and friends.  Thank you all so much for everything.  I can honestly say I wouldn't be me without you and for that I will be forever grateful.

So as we leave this year I wish you all the very best and please darlings remember if you're ever feeling doubtful know that out there is a tall woman with a beehive and probably wearing leopard print and possibly with just the one shoe cheering you every step of the way.  You are awesome!

Love and light,

Miss Demeanour